Last Edited on 8-Feb-2009 10:14 AM

I think a harder question to ask would be why do woman let the shame make them leave. Contrary to popular belief. Infidelity isn't necessarily a result of the man not loving his spouse. Am I giving men a pass to cheat? Hell No! I just think this is a complicated issue that should be dealt with by the two individuals it directly affects.

Personally I think everyone else should mind their own business because when all is said and done more marriages break up not from the actual infidelity but from all the outside interference. With that being said, a marriage is between two people. Keep it that way.

Be blessed.

Always,
Elder Monica Brown
www.monicabrownministries.com

If he committs adultery a second time I just don't see where the true committment to his wife is. At that point I feel she is fighting an uphill battle. Is it possible that he can change? Sure. Is it more likely that he feels he has her and she won't leave if he does it a second time and is forgiven again? In my opinion, YES!!!

At this point I say leave. Save yourself the heartache of trying to change a man who obviously doesn't feel infidelity is a problem.

Be Blessed.

If you stay for the kids, because you have no where else to go, for financial reasons or anything other than a real desire to save your marriage then you are staying for the wrong reasons anyway. You need to stay because you both have a honest and true desire to save your marriage out of the love you once shared. You have to feel there is something there worth saving. You can't start anew always waiting for him to cheat again.

This in my opinion is the reason for the drama. True forgiveness was never there. You can't bring it up everytime you disagree. You can't accuse him of being with someone else every time he walks out the door. You can't push him away emotionally or physically and expect your marriage to work. It doesn't work like that.

Staying to get revenge also isn't a good reason to stay and usually ends up with you being hurt even more. If you know in your heart that you can't forgive, JUST LEAVE!!!!

On a final note. I deplore infidelity of any kind. This is a subject that I am very passionate about, however, I do know a marriage can survive if both parties are committed to the marriage. Will it be easy? Hell no! Then again, nothing in life truly worth having ever is.

I also have to wonder why forgiveness is so hard to give when you love someone. God so loved us he gave his only son but we can't give something as simple as true forgiveness. I wonder how many of us have asked God to forgive us for something?

In his word, he says love does not keep track of wrongdoing. As a matter a fact let me leave you with that scripture.

Love is patient, love is kind.
It does not envy.
Love is never boastful, nor conceited, nor rude;
It is not self-seeking, nor easily angered.
It keeps no record of wrongdoing.
It does not delight in evil,
But rejoices in the truth.
It always protects, trusts, hopes, and preserves.
There is nothing love cannot face;
There is no limit to its faith, hope, and endurance.
In a word, there are three things that last forever:
Faith, hope, and love;
But the greatest of them all is love.
1 Corinthians 13:4-7

I'm seeking God for guidance because I want to be able to forgive as God has forgiving me, but just find it so hard right now to do.

I'm asking myself why am I staying, it's not for the kids, money or anything like that becuase I'm well capable of handling all of that on my own. When I got married for the 2nd time I said it would be forever.

Am I hanging on because I don't want to fail or what? My heart is hurting and I really want to believe that he is truly sorry this time be it very difficult.

I know that God will show me what to do. I just have to stay focus on him and his word. People have survived this kind of thing before.

Be Bless Each of you

I'm so very sorry for your hurt. Though I believe in forgiveness, like I said earlier, it should not be taken lightly. If you forgave your husband the first time this happened and he has done it again he clearly doesn't value this marriage as you do. LEAVE!

If you don't he will never value you and the relationship because he will feel that saying he's sorry is good enough. It isn't. Sorry like love is an action word. Saying it and putting no action behind it means nothing.

Leave him. If he truly loves you and really wants his marriage he will move Heaven and Earth to get you back and he won't risk loosing you again if he succeeds.

Now as I have also stated, if this occurs and you find yourself back with your husband leave the past in the past. If you have forgiven him, let it go. Yes it will be hard but it must be done if there is any hope for your marriage.

Best of luck my sister. You will be in my prayers.

Be blessed.

I wanted to work things out, but he said "there was nothing left to save or discuss" I keep reading that most men don't leave their marrige for the affar partner, so why did mine? Now he acts as if none of us exist, its as if those 6 years we spent together meant nothing.

Sometimes I think if he were to come "around" and want to reconcile I would, but then I think could I ever trust him again? will he eventually leave the woman he is with now?

Waiting for a reply :D, Ariel.

THX :(, Lula.