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Spiritual Growth>
Building God Confdence in Chidren
7 Biblical Principles for Building God Confidence (Self Esteem) In Children.
By: Cheryl Lacey Donovan
Genesis 27:33-37 Isaac trembled violently and said, "Who was it, then, that hunted game and brought it to me? I ate it just before you came and I blessed him—and indeed he will be blessed!" When Esau heard his father's words, he burst out with a loud and bitter cry and said to his father, "Bless me—me too, my father!" But he said, "Your brother came deceitfully and took your blessing." Esau said, "Isn't he rightly named Jacob [a] ? He has deceived me these two times: He took my birthright, and now he's taken my blessing!" Then he asked, "Haven't you reserved any blessing for me?" Isaac answered Esau, "I have made him lord over you and have made all his relatives his servants, and I have sustained him with grain and new wine. So what can I possibly do for you, my son?"
Step One: Speak positively into your child's life.
There is a story in the Bible which involves a father’s words or lack thereof.
Esau and Jacob were both sons of Isaac. According to the covenant God made with Abraham, who was Isaac's father, it was required that they pass on the blessing of God to their eldest son.
Now Isaac had every intention of doing this, but Isaac's younger son Jacob and Jacob's mother Rachel, tricked Jacob into giving this birthright to Isaac.
Esau was distraught. So much so that he hated his brother Jacob.
In this situation, Isaac could have diffused the situation by speaking up. Instead he chose to remain silent and docile. As a result Esau spent many years in turmoil.
Parents encouraging words can propel a child to greatness while a careless remark or lack thereof can send a child into a life long tail spin. As parents our words can shape our child's view of the world and their place in it.
The Bible teaches us that we have the power of life and death in our own tongues. Choose to speak life into your children. Avoid words and criticisms that lead to ridicule and shame. Be generous with praise. Catch your children doing good rather that seeking to catch them doing bad.
Your words make a difference in what your children believe about themselves
What were the last words you said to your child today? How can you use your words to build up and encourage your children each day?
Step 2: Accept Your Children for Who They Are: God Does
One of the greatest needs our children have is that of acceptance. Believe me, the world is full of instruction on how to achieve it. But the ways of the world are not the ways of God. God's way is not about conforming, it's about being transformed. The only way this transformation can happen is by studying His word and letting it renew our minds.
Our children need to know that they were fearfully and wonderfully made in God's own image, as such, when they see themselves as God sees them, they will develop a healthy sense of self worth.
They will better understand that the only one from whom they need acceptance is God.
As a parent, don't try to mold them into what you want them to be. Instead help them to look for and become what God wants them to be. Understand that we are just steward to whom God has entrusted these little souls. When they don’t meet your expectations, remember it’s not your expectations they must meet. Our job is to nurture them and guide them into the acceptance of Christ and His plan for their lives.
Step 3: Nurture the Gifts that God has given them
Matthew 25:24-30 "Then the man who had received the one talent came. 'Master,' he said, 'I knew that you are a hard man, harvesting where you have not sown and gathering where you have not scattered seed. So I was afraid and went out and hid your talent in the ground. See, here is what belongs to you.”His master replied, 'you wicked, lazy servant! So you knew that I harvest where I have not sown and gather where I have not scattered seed? Well then, you should have put my money on deposit with the bankers, so that when I returned I would have received it back with interest. "Take the talent from him and give it to the one who has the ten talents. For everyone who has will be given more and he will have abundance. Whoever does not have, even what he has will be taken from him. And throw that worthless servant outside, into the darkness, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.'
Every child is born with special gifts from God. Their gift may not be athletic like Michael Jordan’s or Tiger Woods. It may not be charismatic like Barack Obama’s or Oprah Winfrey’s. Instead, it may be that they have a gift for teaching or compassion. But whatever the gift, each one is important to their being able to walk in the destiny God has designed for their life,
Encourage your children to avoid comparing their abilities to those of others. Challenge them to develop their talent. Above all encourage them to use their talent in a way that is pleasing to God.
As a parent it is our responsibility to help our children enhance their gifts. When a child’s natural abilities are not allowed to grow, it will have an impact on their self esteem. Forcing a child into an area in which he or she has no interest or ability will cause them to have low self esteem and ultimately they won’t be able to live up to expectations
Resolve to build up your children and not tear them down. Be careful not to push them to fulfill your dreams than theirs. If you have been oppressive or harsh, seek forgiveness.
Make your home a home of love and encouragement.
Step 4: Create a safe Loving Home Environment
Psalms 133: 1-3 How good and pleasant it is when brothers live together in unity! It is like precious oil poured on the head, running down on the beard, running down on Aaron's beard, down upon the collar of his robes. It is as if the dew of Hermon were falling on Mount Zion. For there the LORD bestows his blessing, even life forevermore.
Kids who don’t feel safe will suffer. Children exposed to parents who fight and argue may become depressed and withdrawn. Remember to respect your kids.
Unity in the home is called precious and a blessing. Too many outside commitments can lead to little time spent with your children. A family cannot experience wholeness until each member is willing to put the other first.
Though many life situations are beyond our control, parents can still establish homes that are peaceful and secure. Start by rejoicing in the accomplishments of others. Encourage your children to voice honest doubts and real struggles. A consistent walk with God, established routines, clearly communicated boundaries, and traditions when consistently applied create homes that are free of volatility. Such homes become retreats; safe places of comfort and renewal.
Our families can be a powerful witness to others for good. We can either point to God or away from Him. When our homes are havens for peace and respect for one another, people take notice.
Make your home a place where disagreements are fair, different opinions are respected, and words are loving.
Who is the power behind your family? What do people see when they look at your family? What traits do you admire about other families? How can you incorporate those traits into your family? What positive aspects are being built into your own family?
Step 5: Be a Good Role Model
Joseph is a good example of how we can be role models for our children. Whether in betrayal, adversity, or success, he makes the best of his circumstances, remaining faithful and loyal to God.
1. Genesis 37:1-11 (New International Version)
2. Genesis 39:1-23
3. Genesis 40:1-23
4. Genesis 41:37-57
5. Genesis 45:1-8, 50:15-21
Joseph was a dreamer with great aspirations. He was loyal, patient, diligent, dependable, and forgiving.
If we take a lesson from the pages of Joseph’s life and exhibit before our children these qualities, then we will establish a foundation for our children to build upon.
Our children emulate what they see. They are like disciples following after our example. Live a life of faithfulness, strong moral character, and due diligence. Be fair, honest and control your temper when handling conflict. Find ways to manage your stress levels.
Be tolerant by going out of your way to be kind and compassionate to others. Help others and learn to be an active listener.
Step 6: Foster Responsibility and Independence
Learning to be responsible includes learning to:
• respect and show compassion for others;
• practice honesty as a matter of course;
• show courage in standing up for our principles;
• develop self-control in acting on our principles;
• maintain self-respect.
As parents we are always teaching our children with our words and our actions. Talk with your children about moral and ethical dilemmas to help them learn to stand up for their principles. Your child’s ability to reason through certain issues even reckless and selfish ones will improve as they mature. If you have taken the time to have meaningful discussions, it will help them in the deliberation process. Allow your children to work through problems on their own. Remind them that you are there to help if necessary, but give them the room to fail and help them to understand why. Help your children to learn that they should not allow others to bully them, but teach them that they should not handle conflicts or solve problems with violence. Teach your children to respect others and be tolerant of other peoples differences.
As parents, we can give our children the best in us by helping them acquire habits and character traits that they can rely on in their own lives. If we help them learn to take pleasure in thinking and behaving well, they will have the best chance to lead good lives as individuals and as citizens in the community.
Step 7: Give Unconditional Love
1 Corinthians 13:4-8 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, and always perseveres. Love never fails.
Love is described as being patient, kind, truthful, unselfish, trusting, believing, hopeful, and enduring. It is not jealous, boastful, arrogant, rude, selfish, or angry. True love never fails. The description perfectly fits God's love toward us, and should be the way we love each other and God. This is true also of our children.
The Bible says this unconditional love is more important than everything else. Only love is eternal, since love will be the basis of eternal life. In fact, when Jesus was asked what the greatest commandment was, He said, "YOU SHALL LOVE THE LORD YOUR GOD WITH ALL YOUR HEART, AND WITH ALL YOUR SOUL, AND WITH ALL YOUR MIND." (Matthew 22:37) He then added that the second most important law was "YOU SHALL LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR AS YOURSELF." Jesus said that the entire law was dependent upon these two commandments.
Even with all of the steps presented in this lesson, it is still possible that your children will make choices contrary to what they have been taught. The bottom line is they are humans replete with the free will given to them by God. But, as parents, we must provide unconditional love even in the midst of their rebellion, miss-steps, and poor choices.
Much like the love God has for His children, we must step back and allow our children to make their choices, but we must never withdraw the love that we have for them . It is this love along with the love of God that can ultimately save them from themselves.
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